Over 20 years ago I met a wonderful man, @andywebbdj - as you can tell from his twitter user name he is a DJ. Now initially when we first got together it wasn't an issue. I could tag along to all his gigs and being in our early 20's it didn't look too bad, albeit there were the tell tale signs that I wasn’t interested, namely a woman (me) sat behind the decks with her nose in a book showing she was visibly bored by the drunks who were high kicking to New York New York at the end of the night.
When I became pregnant I still used to go along but knew time was ticking and there would be a point where I would have to stay at home with the baby. When K arrived it happened and it was a complete shock to the system, all the socialising and mixing with people stopped as abruptly as it had started, this caused a whole new set of issues and I am sure I will blog one day to explain my struggle with Post Natal Depression.
I can’t remember vividly much in the first five years of mychildren’s lives but I do remember the feeling of isolation, and being left home alone whilst my hard working hubby was earning a crust to support us.
Hubby progressed over the years, parties, bars, radio work and clubs. I think the worst time was when he was DJing at the lap-dancing club. Most males would deem this their ideal job, for A it was hard work,heading into London at 7.30pm and often not getting home until 4am the next morning. But I think it was then insecurities set in, despite his constant reassurances. There was me post babies, overweight and confined to the house and there he was with gorgeous women who were generally naked 80% of the time he spent with them. It did cause issues, only due to my jealousy, but with lots of love and support we worked through them.
Then in 2002 the DJing stopped. It wasn’t out of his choice he had a freak accident where he turned round and his leg shattered in three places. This meant he wouldn’t be able to do anything for a number of years, I think this was probably my favourite part of our relationship, not because of the accident, but because he truly depended on me for a change. I nursed him, helped him to bed, rehabilitated him and ran the business we were running together (albeit with the help of his brother @pcls1972) It looked like his DJing days were over and I felt this was a great turning point, however only a few years ago he went back to it … I would say I was gutted but the extra income was useful.
Due to a change in self confidence I would say these days I don’t struggle too often (but I do on the odd occasion) with his choice of DJing, he does it for the finer things in life, new cars, meals out etc, but it isn’t something I would suggest for couples who haven’t faced adversity over the years. However,the last 18 months have been hard, not only have I been working 24/7 shifts but with him DJing, often the only time I am home he is out at a gig. Between being a DJ widow and crappy shifts it has meant we have barely seen one another. Being ill over Xmas has been bloody hard, whilst the world and his wife were partying, hubby has been making them all have “the time of their lives” , I have been laying in bed feeling very sorry for myself. The worst two nights being Xmas eve and NY eve, the latter involving me crying on the sofa to the fireworks in London knowing I wouldn’t be able to even text or speak to him until at least 3am.
So to anyone thinking of dating a DJ be careful it is hard, it can be bloody boring but most of all you need to be sure you can cope with the jealousy that having a man who is the centre of attention can throw up in your life. How will you deal with the photos on Face book with him and other women? The chats about “what a great night” and the lack of sleep caused by being home alone until 3am (at the earliest) I am certain it has made me the person I am today, but there are still the niggles in the back of my head … Why would someone so popular want to be with me??
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